I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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