They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
