Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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