apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
