The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
