i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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