Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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