absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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