I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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