You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize