idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
