I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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