Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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