I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
