It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
