Midget sex pt 2 tonight
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he fucked my hip out of place.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
