Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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