The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
