Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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