you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
