I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
