Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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