She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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