i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't put those talents on a resume
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
