Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
