I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
