I feel great
I just peed on a car
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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