hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
