3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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