Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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