that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
where are you?
Hypothermia
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
