We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
