There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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