Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
