I hate your face
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
