So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
