after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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