Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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