i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
