It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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