I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
