She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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