i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
