the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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