I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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