Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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