My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
