Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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