like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
