you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
vagina is talking i cant
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
