how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
