no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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