And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All the doctor said was why
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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