last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
