hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
