our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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