in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
