My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
