he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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