She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
