ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
