oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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