Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
