Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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