You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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