omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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