I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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