Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
