She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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