i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
